Overcoming the Odds: What My Childhood Cancer Journey Taught Me About Resilience

"Mummy, do we have to go back to the hospital?"

This time, I was 6 years old. I remember asking this as we sat on our living room sofa one evening. My Mum tried to smile but couldn't muster up the courage to answer me. I remember her looking away. Now that I'm older, I realize she must have been trying to hold back her tears.

I remember how the familiar fabric on the sofa felt, how the cane structure creaked when someone sat down or got off. It was the last time I would be on that sofa for a long time.

Round 2. This was my second bout with Acute lymphocytic leukemia (ALL). I was diagnosed first when I was 2 years old. At about 4, they thought I was clear. I was all too young to remember the logical sequence of things, but 2 years later I came down with a persistent fever that would send me back into the fight.

With going in and out of the hospital, I missed a whole bunch of school. I remember being absolutely lost the first few times I attended Primary School class. I resorted to copying my deskmate's Chinese homework so I didn't get punished, and I remember the multiple times I just sat in silence, unable to answer any math questions when called upon.

It was good I didn't understand developmental psychology then because I would've panicked at how much of my key developmental years were being disrupted. I'm glad I didn't know it, but I was always playing catch-up.

Yet, despite being the perpetual underdog, I can safely say that despite being put on the back foot, I still performed better than the mean (most times that mattered).

Yes, it was a struggle, but I was learning important lessons that made me more adaptable and resilient - skills more important than ever in these turbulent times according to the Future of Jobs Report 2025 by the World Economic Forum. So with hindsight 20/20, here's what I learned from my childhood with cancer:

Lesson #1: Find Your Why

I learned years after cancer that my chances of survival once dipped to less than 30%. I had no bone marrow transplant. Logically, I should not have survived but I did. And I believe it's for a purpose. (I'm a Christian, so I believe I still have work to do.)

And if you ask me what this purpose is, I would say it is to create understanding. It's to help people understand themselves and others so they can live to their fullest potential.

This goal is big, lofty, and difficult to quantify and achieve. But I know because of my purpose, I'm playing the long game. And if you know you're playing the long game, it's much easier to view obstacles and challenges as small (and even necessary) bumps in the grander scheme of things. Stare at the problem up close and it'll look like the biggest thing in the world. But zoom out, and it will look like a mere speck in relation to your purpose.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” - Friedrich Nietzsche.

A great way to look at this is through the Golden Circle which Simon Sinek wrote about in his book, Start with Why.

For me:

• Why (Purpose): To help people understand themselves and others better to fulfill their fullest potential.
• How (Process): Equipping myself to equip others, genuinely practicing what I share, adopting a growth mindset and coaching approach, and seeking opportunities to create the most impact.
• What (Behaviour): Posting educational videos on Instagram (@jonchuask), writing this article, getting certified as a professional coach, getting my degree in psychology, exercising regularly, timeboxing for productivity, and the list goes on...

A strong and clear Why makes it easier to see through your actions and overcome challenges and obstacles. Though creating and posting content is tiring, though the numbers can be demoralizing, and though I can feel lost sometimes, I can and will push on because of my Why. Because giving up will go against the core of who I am, and that hurts me more than the discomfort I'm feeling now.

There could be many permutations of Whys, Hows, and Whats. And that's the great news because it works for more specific goals too, like in fitness, work, and relationships. If you see yourself as an athlete, you're much less likely to skip a workout. If you see your work as meaningful, you will likely put in more effort. And you're much more likely to stick on even though it's hard.

You get the drift.

So, what's your Why?

Lesson #2: See The Cup Half Full

Even though I was at a disadvantage, I never saw myself as less. I always saw myself as highly malleable, able to learn quickly, and equally capable as my peers. I grew to think (in time) that everything was in the realm of possibility if I was given enough time and resources. From early on I adopted what looked like a Growth Mindset.

Coined by psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, the Growth Mindset emphasizes the power of embracing challenges, seeing failures as growth opportunities, and being resilient in the face of setbacks. Some key characteristics are:

• Embracing challenges: Seeing obstacles as opportunities to grow, learn, and improve, rather than as threats.
• Appreciating Effort: Recognizing that achievement is built on consistency.
• Valuing the Process: Not just fixating on the end goal but prioritizing the learning journey.
• Accepting Criticism: Being open to constructive feedback as a necessary tool for growth instead of viewing it as personal attacks.

At the heart of it is what psychologists call Cognitive Reappraisal, which is the ability to monitor and assess thoughts, and replace them with more positive ones. And the ability to do this is one of the hallmarks of resilience.

A Growth Mindset helps us view challenges and obstacles as part of the package. Without them, there can be no growth or moving forward. With them, we get closer to our goals and dreams. And that's why it works - because discomfort becomes a signpost that you're taking steps toward your purpose. That creates resilience.

If you cannot imagine yourself ever being this "optimistic" or adopting a growth mindset, I'll show you that we all have it in us to do so.

Psychologists call this phenomenon "Brain Plasticity". It's the brain's ability to change and reorganize itself based on internal and external circumstances. In other words, our brains are biologically wired to adapt to the circumstances it is presented with. Our brains constantly learn and get better so we can navigate life successfully.

The point is, if our brain - the driver of our conscious being - is built for a Growth Mindset, then all that stands in the way is a choice.

Which parts of your life need re-labeling?

Lesson #3: Support, support, support

As the cliche goes, no person is an island.

As I battled with cancer, I was surrounded by many individuals and groups that chose to support me. From my family members, the amazing doctors and nurses, hospital volunteers, my church community, my teachers and classmates - I couldn't name them all. I could navigate challenges and obstacles because I stood on the shoulders of giants.

In particular, I remember that I had missed school so much that they considered making me repeat a year. But my school Principal and teachers believed in me and took a chance. And because of that, I wanted to make them proud and do well. I studied hard and persevered.

Resilience is not a one-person effort. It is the outward manifestation of effective systems that support the consistent effort that eventually leads to success - one of which is your relationships.

And having the right support helps because:

• Accountability: You can lean on others to keep you in check, especially when learning to do so yourself. Pushing through means a win for both of you, failing, a loss for both. When you're playing for 2, you're more likely to keep going.
• Encouragement: How often has a word of encouragement or affirmation kept you going? I will belabor the point.
• Motivation (Social Identity Theory): They say you become the 5 people you spend most time with. Though there are more layers to this, there is much truth to it. Psychologists Henri Tajfel and John Turner proposed the Social Identity Theory in the 1970s, which suggests that identity is partially derived from membership in social groups. Identifying with groups means we adopt their norms, values, and behaviors. Therefore, the groups we plug ourselves into have an outsized effect on how resilient we are.

The bottom line is that we need to make sure the people we surround ourselves with speak positively into our lives and align with our values.

Are the people in your lives lifting you up or draining you? Are your values aligned? Or are they detracting you from pushing towards your goals and dreams?

In summary, the TLDR is:

Resilience and the ability to adapt are traits that carry us through adversity and change and are more needed now than ever.

You can't buy resilience or adaptability, but you can practice them through:

1. Being clear and laser-focused on your purpose/goal, and aligning systems, processes, and actions with it.
2. Cognitively reframe challenges and obstacles as lessons for growth. Focus equally on the journey, and see yourself as a work in progress.
3. Surround yourself with people who share your values. Lean on each other to get through the tough times.

And that's what childhood cancer taught me. What are the teachers (read: experiences) in your lives, and what have you learned?

Let's be better, together.

Jonathan